A LONG TIME AGO WITH A CLANGER FAR AWAY!
by ceringosnowflake
Summary: Voldemort is now Welsh and Harry's life is taken over by a Clanger. Fortunately, this is now "complete". Beware - loss of sanity upon reading.
1. He's Your Brother!

Title - A long time ago with a clanger far away  
  
Summary- what happens when Voldemort's welsh (AAAAAHHHHHHH) and Harry's life is taken over by a clanger. WARNING, WARNING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
PLEASE R&R  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 the secret of the Malfoys  
  
Harry was sitting in the freezing, stone dungeons writing an essay on how to behave with other house members sadly this detention was with Malfoy. Harry glanced up in the direction of Draco Malfoy who was being helped by professor Snape the greasy.  
  
Harry was writing his last line while Malfoy even with Snape's help was only on his second paragraph out of four. Harry quietly collected the parchment and headed toward Snape's desk when suddenly the low drone of Snape's voice said "I see miss Grangers annoying talent of finishing first has rubbed of on you." "HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry shouted, it had been a while since he had been so mad and without thinking Harry punched Snape in the face. "Just like your brother Snape stuttered striating himself up. "What?" Harry questioned staring dumbfounded at the potions master. Draco ears pricked up at the word. "Yes Potter Just like your brother Draco." Snape sneered "But that would make." "Yes Lusius Malfoy is your father." Snape said glaring daggers in the direction of Harry. "OH MY GOD!!" Harry yelled falling to the floor in a faint.  
  
Harry woke up two hours later in the hospital wing to Dumbledore shouting "HE'S AWAKE, YOU OW ME 20 SICKLES POPPY.  
  
  
  
This chapter may be short but we need your opinion. WE WONT WRITE UNTIL YOU REVIEW!!! P.S THE CLANGERS WILL COME WE BOOKED THEM FOR NEXT WEEK.  
  
Ceringosnowflake / Rupert and Shona 3000 / Daniel 


	2. Lord Voldie, Puppets and the reporters!

Disclaimer: NOT MINE! Any creations of J.K.Rowling are definitely NOT MINE! The plot – well that's pretty much mine…

A/N – Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time and thanks even more if you review this time! I generally read your fanfics if you read mine so reviewing is a plus point…

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Well, to explain quickly, I am writing this without Shona because I am and it's on my account anyway. I know that I have not updated this in years (3 I think…) and got bored the other day and decided I should continue it. I doubt anyone will actually read it but…who cares! Also – we lied, the clangers aren't booked until the next chapter but they will come. There will be essence of clanger in this chapter…

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So Far: Harry passed out after Snape revealed that Harry is Draco's brother. It is quite a random fic…remember, this is before HBP and possibly OotP as well.

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**Chapter 2**

Harry squinted and surveyed his surroundings. Dumbledore backed off. _Not here again_ he thought. He always made frequent visits to the hospital wing – soon he'd be on first name terms with Madam Pomfrey. Harry closed his eyes and sank back into his pillow. He suddenly realised why he was here and shot back up again.

"Umm…Professor," Harry turned to face Dumbledore and rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of the time, was sitting on the visitors stool, playing with bumblebee hand puppets! Dumbledore looked up. He saw Harry's shocked expression and hastily stuffed them in his robe pocket.

"Just to keep me amused…anyway, what was it you wished to ask me?" Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled behind his half moon spectacles.

"What Professor Snape said, about Draco being my brother, is it true? I mean does that mean that the Malfoys are my parents or are My parents, uh, I mean the Potters, umm, are Draco's parents?" Harry finished. He was confused and just made himself even more confused trying to explain his confusion. He looked hopefully at Dumbledore. His feelings changed, Dumbledore was smiling. "How can you laugh at a time like this, explain to me what's going on!" Harry demanded. Dumbledore's face turned into a grin.

"Harry, how on this earth can you honestly believe that Draco Mafoy is your brother? He has a pale complexion, blonde hair and looks like his parents and you have black hair, green eyes, look absolutely nothing like Narcissa and Lucius but like James and Lily Potter who are your real parents, as confirmed by…uh," He broke off, Harry looked confused at him.

"So your telling me that Snape just lied to me as a sick joke?" Harry yelled.

"Bingo, we have a winner, correct answer! I really ought to stop watching muggle quiz shows when I go on holiday over the summer. Anyway, more or less, it was a sick joke. I actually don't know why Snape did that. There's something a bit off about him, don't you think? I'm not sure myself why I trust him anymore but that doesn't leave this room or I'll know where it came from!" He added at the end. Harry sunk back into his pillow once more. _It was going to be one of those weeks_ he thought.

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Meanwhile, somewhere in Wales, UK, a young girl, named Rebecca, sat in an oversized, ornate silver chair, nervously holding a reporters notebook and pen.

"Umm, so, you're Lord Voldemort, The Dark Lord, He-who-must-not-be-named, you-know-who," She stated. "What brings you to Wales?" Rebecca clutched her notebook and surveyed his surroundings. The walls were silver and green, a large serpent sat curled up on the floor in front of the man who she was interviewing. The man had red slits for eyes and almost no nose. His lips curled into an evil grin. They opened, ready to speak.

"Well, see, I've recently learnt that my mother once lived here, and that I have discovered the Welsh within and picked up this marvellous accent! It's such a beautiful country. Wych witches and wizards to recruit, bert scenery a brilliant caves to use as my hide-away." The voice that came from Voldemort was un-suiting. It flowed out with a strong Welsh twang. He had somehow picked up Welsh in a short space of time and spoke it quite fluently every now and then throughout the rest of the interview. The reporter jotted things down madly, wishing she'd brought along a quick-quotes-quill. Whilst Voldemort was waiting for Eleanor, the photographer, to take photos of the lair's interior, he sat staring at Rebecca who squirmed nervously. She sneezed and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"Ych-a-fi - dirty mochyn! Use a tissue!" Voldemort exclaimed, conjuring a tissue and passing it to him. "I may be the dark lord, with a love of blood, enjoyment of killing, but if there is one thing I can't stand is bad manners! All my Death Eaters were trained to be polite to the right people, such as myself – and you can quote me on it!"

She wiped her sleeve with the tissue and noted down what Voldemort had said.

"Well, I'll be off then," She said, standing up and gathering her things. Eleanor came to stand by her side. "You got all the pictures you need?" She asked.

"Yeah, I won't take any of the location. Nobody needs know where you live Lord" She added, reassuring Voldemort.

"Oh you don't have to be that polite. My friends call me Lord Voldie!" He smiled that unnerving smile once more.

"Yes, of course. Thank you for your time, uh, Lord Voldie. Look out for your interview in tomorrows Western Prophet." She spoke, her voice shaky, she smiled a nervous smile and left with Eleanor the photographer, close on her tail. They exited the cave and found themselves in daylight once more.

"That was one scary guy!" Eleanor spoke.

"Yes, I agree with you on that one. At least you didn't have to interview him. Thankfully that snake was asleep. I can't belive he allowed us to interview him. Do you reckon if we show this to Dum-"

"Shhhh" Eleanor, cut her off. "Not here," she added. Rebecca nodded and made her way down the hillside. They didn't look back until they reached the bottom. Eleanor spoke once more. "If we apperated back to Hogwarts right now then we can get to Dumbledore," Rebecca nodded in approval of the decision and apperated. Although they were too young to have a licence yet., boththeir parents were high up in the ministry and they usually turned a blind eye to the two of them.

She arrived in Hogsmeade, Honeydukes cellar to be exact. A pop sounded and Eleanor appeared beside her. They went through the hidden passageway to Hogwarts and made their way to Snapes office. Unfortunatley, the nearest office since the passageway had been diverted by Fred and George Weasley after teachers realised where it came out and blocked it off.

"Professor," Rebecca spoke, "Do you know where we can find Professor Dumbledore?"

"Yes, he's in the hospital wing seeing to a pupil. Why are you asking me! I'm not your head of house – see McGonagall next time – 10 points off of Gryffindor for bothering a teacher!" Snape finished and went back to what looked like a crossword.

"10 down's impostor, and 22 across is deceive, professor." Eleanor piped up. Snape glanced down at his crossword, he realised she was right but before he got a chance to deduct 10 more points from Gryffindor, the girls had left the room. _Double potions homework for their class next week I believe - maybe I'll make them brew the draft of living death - seventh year work for fourth year girls_ he thought to himself. He wrote in the words on the crossword. _How couldI have not seen them, well,I suppose that if Dumbledore can't thenI shouldn't either_.

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Meanwhile back in the hospital wing –

Harry was abruptly awoken by the crash of the hospital wing doors. He sat up in bed. His head spinning from the fall earlier. He groaned. It was Eleanor and Rebecca from Ginny's year. They were always following him - senior members of the Harry Potter fan-club founded by Colin Creevey. Not so much Rebecca as Eleanor. Rebecca just stayed with Eleanor to make sure that she didn't do anything stupid. By the time Harry's thoughts were finished the girls were rushing towards Dumbledore – who happened to be sitting next to Harry's bed.

"Professor Dumbledore, we were doing our homework for muggle studies which was to go to our hometown and interview a witch or wizard." Eleanor stated. Rebecca continued;

"We wanted to beat the Slytherins in our class so we went to find a famous witch or wizard in Wales and you'll never guess who we found!" Dumbledore rolled his eyes and took a guess at what Harry thought would be the answer too.

"Gwenog Jones?" He asked, expecting to be right.

"No! You-Know-Who!" Eleanor said excitedly. Harry shot up. Had he heard correctly? _Lord Voldemort was currently residing in Wales?_

"Ladies, explain to me quickly as we fly. Harry, get your firebolt!"

"Accio Firebolt" Harry yelled. It came zooming into the room. The determination in his voice must have made the spell stronger. Dumbledore continued;

"The ladies and I will need broomsticks as well." Dumbledore said, he looked at Harry, expecting him to summon 3 more broomsticks. Harry did so and Dumbledore continued.

"We should take Hermione Granger and Ronald and Ginny Weasley as well. Just to make up numbers." Harry looked slightly taken aback. _He wasn't expected to summon them was he?_ Dumbledore shook his head and yelled "Accio Ronald, Ginny and Hermione!"

They came almost instantly. Ron had his arm around Hermione and their faces were in utter shock. Ginny was shocked, not at being summoned, but at Ron and Hermione Harry laughed. _There was something there after all_. He always knew there was more behind Ron and Hermione being so jealous of each others partner's, or in Ron's case, Fleur Delacour, attempted partner. They snapped apart instantly. Ron blushed bright red and Hermione nervously wiped her face with her hand. Ginny was giggling with Harry

"Get them broo-" He stopped, noticing Harry was one step ahead and had already done so. "Mount them and follow my lead. Would Eleanor and Rebecca please ride alongside me. I wish you to explain on the journey there, exactly what Voldemort told you." At these words Ginny, Ron and Hermione's jaws fell open. They looked to Harry for an explanation. He mounted his broom, motioning for them to do the same.

"I'll explain on the way. It's going to be one of those weeks." He stated.

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A/N – So what do you think? No clangers yet but they will come when Harry meets Voldie. For an explanation of the words I used, Wych means great, Hyfred means lovely, Bert means pretty, Ych a fi you dirty mochyn means basically yuk you dirty pig. Or so I think. I am Welsh and should know but only, like, 20 people (maybe a little more but not more than 100 or so) in my 10,000 or so population town actually speak Welsh fluently. I will not update 3 years later this time. I will try and update sooner.

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PLEASE R&R MY OTHER FANFIC HARRY POTTER AND THE ILLUMINATION OF SECRETS! Chapter 3 up in next couple of hours! 


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